


Haunted

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Past Character Death, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: In which Poe takes action after Crait.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Darkpilot Songbook





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was in one of those moments, when Poe thought that he was going to stay awake forever, that he padded out of his room in the _Falcon_ into the main hold. Around him, he could imagine different memories, around him, he could imagine things like Ben playing dejarik with Chewie, Chewie letting him win, of course. Around him, he could imagine things that would have given him comfort before, but now just felt like vibroblades stabbing into his heart. The innocent boy that Ben had been, becoming a monster with no warning. 

It wasn’t fair. Nothing about it was fair. Poe sat in the main hold where Rose Tico was currently unconscious, suddenly feeling very tired. Too tired, actually. Knowing that the man he loved had become a monster...

It was unthinkable, and yet here it was. 

”You okay?”

Finn. Poe turned to look at the former stormtrooper. “You look like hell, Finn,” he said. “You should sleep.”

”I’d say the same for you,” Finn said. Then, “Poe...there’s something I wanted to ask you about.”

”Shoot.”

Finn looked uneasy. Then, “You recognized Kylo on Crait. Without the mask.”

”It could have been for any reason.”

”Poe.”

Poe sighed. “I knew him,” he said. “Once upon a time. And like Leia, like Han, like Luke...I lost him. I don’t know why, actually. I wish I did.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Finn, if I tell you this...what if you think less of me?”

”I won’t,” Finn said. “It wasn’t your fault he fell.”

”I feel like I could have saved him,” Poe said. “Still.” Then, “He wasn’t a bad person. He didn’t start out as one. He started out as kind, and caring, and well-intentioned. I...”

He paused. Did he even want to tell Finn the way that he’d loved Ben? 

”He meant a great deal to you.” Finn took a deep breath. “Funny thing is, before Jakku, I wondered what it would be like to fight beside him. Then I saw what he was capable of and doing what I was doing was nigh impossible. That’s where I found you.”

”I’m glad.” Finn was still valuable to Poe. Poe saw him more as the brother he could have had, because he was too young to be Finn’s father (there was something symbolic about helping Finn choose his name, besides seeing the fact he’d been abused for so long and needed freedom), but it didn’t make Finn any less valuable. In a way, Finn had saved Poe not only literally, but figuratively too. 

”I saw him,” Finn said. “I...lost to him trying to protect Rey.” He sighed. “The thing is...he was vulnerable on the bridge before he...y’know. I saw him cry. I didn’t think I’d actually see him cry.”

Poe leaned forward, tense all of a sudden. “Why?”

”I don’t know,” Finn said. “I don’t know if he was trying to trick Han or if he really, really didn’t want to kill him. But it was there.” A sigh. “I guess it doesn’t matter. If Han couldn’t reach him, or Rey, how could anyone?”

Poe didn’t know. But leaving Ben to the First Order...

He couldn’t do that. Even if Ben has tortured him, turned into a monster with no warning. 

”It sounds hypocritical of me,” Finn said, “But...it won’t be like redeeming a lower level grunt. Not really. And Poe...you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for him.”

”I know.”

Poe knew, though, that once they got where they needed to be, he would have to find some way to save Ben. Because Ben had been his friend once. Still was. 

And Poe still loved him. 


End file.
